The Book of Revelations of the Depressed Man

So the night begins, or maybe it’s already started, and we are beginning each glass. Time is like going to church, you wish it would burn. So we start the book of revelations. We’ll reveal the secrets of the depressed man, one beer at a time; with each bottom comes reality.

1. Our first thought tonight, and I’ll stick by it: FUCK GOD. I’m not here for an imaginary savior. I’m here to see what I can do to my body, whether it be destroying it or preserving it. Fuck God.
2. I love smoking! It is the healthy alternative to death. I smoke so I don’t have to talk to people. It is like an occupied sign on your forehead that reads, “FUCK OFF”. No matter what, smoking will always make you happy. I smoke to get me further away from what is to be: bald, fat, and paying a mortgage. I am breathing in destiny, and shitting out the American Dream one cigarette at a time. I strive toward a quick existence.
3. Fuck God, again. Reparations are not what they seem, and everything is in its right place. We are who we are; God does not control destiny. I am God, therefore my destiny rests in my own hands, fuck you God. If I was nailed to a cross, I wouldn’t ask for salvation, I would wonder why the fuck no one liked me. After, I would ask for a beer and three Ukrainian whores. Help yourself and help others second. You are not a charity.
4. While beer is good, it really is no substitute for pussy; pussy is what is; life. We search for pussy, but it is never enough. Cocks are the solution to all of life’s problems, without them, we would be lost. Why is it inescapable?
5. Fuck agnostic beliefs. If you are unsure, burn a church. If nothing happens, cut yourself and wipe up the blood with pages from the bible. After that, cry and talk to your friends about how you never understood your dad. Graveyards are for possessive whiners, who can’t accept we are living dirt. Die and be forgotten.
6. Death is imminent, you cannot die. Everyone is saved, but also, fuck God; he isn’t a savior for anyone. He doesn’t understand mortal life; life is life and death, well death is death.
7. While the bible stories may be correct in structure, the lack in practical application. The Ten Commandments are good; however, coveting thy neighbor will happen. Humans love to love, and hate to hate; Marxism at its best and this is only the beginning. In my eyes, all is revealed.
8. On the eighth point, we projected our criticism towards peace preachers. If you preach, practice. So, go tell Afghan villagers that Wal-Mart is taking over and the G8 is a death machine. This is easily achieved if you can wear your bacteria infused dreadlocks and Thai fishing pants at a bongo parade in the West in a city un-phased by war. Go eat a fucking pomegranate, you hairy stink-bomb. Fashion isn’t a political statement, it is a social status. You aren’t doing anything.
9. Nine is always a problem, cats have nine lives, why don’t I? If I could, I would, just so I could finish my job, I am God; I do to thee, as you do to me. Fuck it, it makes no sense, I am only one man in an entire world. Why should I live? As it were, I am only mortal, and nothing more. Death is imminent, so why not go out living well? I love live, but it only goes so far; where will I go? I could never know. My life is a time-bomb, ticking, ticking, ticking and always waiting to erupt. I think the world we live in is corrupt. I am only one man, what can I do? I choose my destiny, and so should you. When will it stop? The pain is too great. It can only escalate, not go down. I couldn’t live without the love of my life. We think, suicide or natural death? I no longer have my natural breath. Pissing is the best way to relieve pressure. It will not help how you feel inside, but it sure does make things easier because it hurts to not be alive.
10. You aren’t blind, you are judgmental. Race, sex, or whatever appearance, someone is always different, and you won’t always like it. That is why you are the best. No one else is you, so protect yourself. Eat first and take the first breath. When you die, someone will bury, and after, they won’t care anymore. Care for you and care for yourself. I live for me, and only myself.
11. Superstitions are wasted breath. The only luck you have is not pissing blood. If your stars line up, drink until you vomit and cry about your pity-filled life. What happens, well it happens. Go to work and pay your bills.
12. What are bills? Monetary gains by the government. It is corruption. The take what they need, and sometimes more. Why is life alive, and death dead? The only one that cares that I am alive is the government; but he just wants my money because I am only there for a moment.
13. I came here to drink and think. You came here to make a stink. I’ll believe in what I got, and go home and after work, and I masturbate a lot. Porn is seen as derogatory, but I see it as self-glory. If I am happy, than that is what I got; you can be happy, I don’t give a fuck.
14. I also came here to drink, but I made such a scene. The bartenders don’t want me to be here anymore. I am such a bore. I just give them money, and they give me alcohol, and we are happy, but that is the extent of our relationship. Life really is a fucking whore. I fuck a lot, and I come a lot, but what have I really got, nothing. I am starting to realize life. I would kill to be killed, and love to be loved. At the moment, there is none. We are at a standstill in life. No life, no death, no love, nothing is what we have. I spit on Satan, and I am God, so what have I got to fear? Fear is just that, it’s nothing. Beer warms you. What I know is for show. I sit here and weep. I wouldn’t even make a peep as long as you leave me alone.
15. Alas, everything is not as it seems. I am merely a figment of the mind, a scrap of paper. I don’t think it would hurt me to be blind because you can’t trust people by their image anyways. It would be like seeing them, but not. No one is as they seem. I am just that. I won’t try to decipher because I know it isn’t possible. I have no life, no reason to live; why I am here no one could know. I am a bow; an arrow striking a target. There is a small margin between what is and what could be. Please, can’t you see it is not I who am wrong, but everyone else. They probably need help.
16. Who knows what life is? Is it really life, or death resurrected? Only one man could know, me; today I live and tomorrow too. Who could possibly know besides me? Everything is changing, and change is good. What if I don’t want it, or worse what if I want it, and it never comes. What will become of me, what I am, what I could be?
17. I wouldn’t have it any other way, beer with a cigarette, computer with porn, a life of unplanned events and happenings. I do what I do. Fuck God, and I’ll be ok. Don’t pretend to like me.
18. I do what I can and nothing more because it is the American way. Is there more? I think not. The English language is beautiful, so many words, so little time. It is my treat. Wordplay and lessons make me complete. I say what I want, and that is that.
19. I make mistakes, and then I know what not to do. After, I do not know what I really know. Now I made a mistake, so I will do what I should do, live and learn. Tomorrow I will probably be drunk. Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow. I am drunk. I know how to get drunk, I made that mistake. If I live until I am 50, I will know I saw a lot. After that, it doesn’t really matter because I can’t do anything when I am old except ponder about what could have been. Old is like a nice way of saying useless. No one likes being useless. I use myself to what I have got. Use me. Misuse me. “Dodging all the lies I’m fed, I’ll live my life, and then I am dead” Leftover Crack. “I agree.” Matt Smith. I don’t do life; life doesn’t do, it takes, so I will take it from myself.
20. When I am done, I know I am done. It cannot be undone. I cannot be won-over. When I am done, that is it, finished, over. What are you? Life is life and death, well death is death. Completed.
21. If I had anything to tell you, you should read this. The Book of Revelations doesn’t tell you what to do; it tells you what we know. When we get old, we will probably think differently. If you are old, and you have done this, we don’t care. This is now.
22. If you want kids, you are probably working. You’re probably thinking about it. Having kids is spreading a virus. Humans infect a rancid wound. I’m a virus. I don’t help anything. If you breathe, you take. Consume and be what you consume. You’ll be sorry. I told you so.
23. Life is pain. It hurts. Try to see how far you get when I am hurt. Now, I bleed black. Smoking too much; I don’t understand why I can be hurt but can’t hurt myself.
24. I still like smoking, and I still don’t like God. I don’t need you to prove anything to me.
25. If I could do it all again, I wouldn’t have it any other way, then and now. It’s what happens. I know not what I really want, but what I want I cannot have because she said so. Fuck it, what do I really have? All I do is drink to get drunk and that is that. I drink.
26. Tomorrow, we will do it all again. Drunk or not, we will do it all again. That is why God doesn’t make sense.
27. I am not the smartest man, but I like looking at porn, and then I masturbate; I feel better.
28. Love is like a knife. Cut me and I’ll bleed for you. I cut you, and you hated me. That’s why I like knives, cut me, love me; cut you, hate me.
29. Fuck God, Fuck You, Fuck Living, and Fuck Drinking, but I am still smoking.
30. I think I am through, but I am not. Everything is as it is not. I am too far behind to understand what is, but what is not I am sure of. It never makes sense to me. What am I? Who am me? Nothing but a pawn in the game of chess.
31. Being alone is not too much to handle, the problem lies in the inability to function. Why wait? Death is imminent. Fuck God. You only live once. Fuck God. Nothing is as it seems. I cut the pain with a dull blade, because it couldn’t hurt any worse.
32. The night draws to an ends. The book is finished of what we know. If you are stupid, you will believe us. Otherwise, you will live a life we don’t care about.
33. Why not end on an odd number divisible by 11?